· In this who-knows-how-old video, Good Charlotte's Joel Madden and Crazy Town singer Shifty Shellshock exercise their right to bear tattooed arms, and use them to beat the hell out of each other. Tragically, Joel's hoop earring was sacrificed in the battle. Bonus fight analysis by a fauxhawked radio DJ named "Stryker."

· Hopefully, when Alicia Keys blew out the candles at her birthday, she wished for Kimora Lee Simmons to scream "Get out of my face, Bitch!" in the middle of her party. Because that's what happened.

· Upskirt photos just aren't the same when you're wearing control top body-shaping underwear, Katie Holmes.

­ "I don't sign guitars," says Jerry Lee Lewis. "I only sign pianos." The man has standards. Except on the matter of shtupping his 13-year-old cousin. Then all bets are off.

· Comic George Lopez ripped into Jay Leno calling him "the biggest two-faced dude in TV," which finally explains the chin.

· What's weirder: Kathy Griffin hanging out of her limo waving her arms frantically at NYC tourists shouting, "Hey, everyone! It's me! Kathy Griffin!"? Or Kathy Griffin having a limo?

Maui Fever Giving Residents a Headache