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Lauren to Heidi: “You're a Sad, Pathetic Person!"
Monday August 13, 2007

The much-hyped season three premiere of MTV's The Hills didn't disappoint.

Monday's debut episode also didn't waste any time bringing viewers inside the epic war between Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag and properly introducing each side's soldiers: Whitney Port and Audrina Partridge on Team LC and Montag's devilish boyfriend Spencer Pratt as Team Heidi's sole supporter.

Kudos to MTV for leading off with the epic catfight America has been waiting to see for the last two months, with Lauren and Heidi trading insults less than 15 minutes into the show.

At issue were the vicious “rumors” that Lauren is convinced Heidi and Spencer spread about her. “I could just never imagine hating someone so much that you’d do something like that to them,” Lauren said as she lashed out on her ex-BFF in a screaming match that will go down as perhaps among the most delicious in the history of reality TV. And the argument ended with Lauren delivering, like, the best quote ever: "You're a sad, pathetic person!" (Click on the video below for a best-of sampling.)

The round one winner? Lauren, of course – if only because seemingly everything that came out of Heidi’s mouth sounded so disingenuous. And that’s not editing, America!

Heidi and Spencer tried - and failed miserably -- to present a picture of perfect domesticity (if you consider graffiti-laden living room walls and a housewarming beer bash as homey).

And just when we thought the most gag-worthy scenes had passed, eager-beaver Spencer stepped up to the plate and offered Heidi a fat engagement ring. And, as we all knew she would, she accepted.

Up next: Whitney’s taking over at Teen Vogue, Audrina’s getting cozy with a motorcycle-riding former flame and Lauren (who, tragically, can't seem to be happy for any of her friends) is desperately ready to find a new man.

Talk to Us: Are you already hooked on The Hills?

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