Valerie Bertinelli is looking back at some of the darkest memories of her relationship with ex-husband Eddie Van Halen.
After watching son Wolfgang Van Halen‘s Behind the Music episode, in which he detailed his relationship with his late father, Bertinelli, 64, reflected on their marriage and how hearing her son’s side of the story further opened her eyes to the toxicity of their romance.
“I was finally able to watch Wolfie’s Behind the Music. It was not easy,” she began in a video via Instagram on Thursday, May 2. “I’d stopped it many times because it was just too brutal to watch for many reasons. One, seeing Wolfie’s pain. Two, seeing what a better job I could have done as a parent even though he turned out magnificently. I made a lot of mistakes. And three, seeing what I had turned of Ed’s and my relationship — into some sort of fantasy, soulmate recreation of history.”
The former Food Network star went on to explain that she “fell in love” with Eddie when she was 20 and “it rapidly declined into drugs, alcohol and infidelity,” adding, “Nothing that makes you feel loved, wanted and cared for. Nothing that screams ‘soulmate,’ that’s for sure.”
Despite the hardships of their relationship, Bertinelli said she is thankful for everything they went through because it gave her their son.
“What we had together was this beautiful son that we both unconditionally loved,” she continued. “That’s what I got out of that marriage: Wolfie. The best thing that ever happened to me. [Eddie] was not a soulmate.”
Bertinelli and the Van Halen founder tied the knot in April 1981 after meeting months before, but called it quits in 2001. Their divorce was finalized in December 2007; however, the former spouses remained close until his death in 2020 despite both of them remarrying. (Eddie died after battling cancer, son Wolfgang confirmed via Instagram at the time. He was 65 years old.)
“Valerie and Eddie had some rough times, but their love for each other never wavered,” a source exclusively told Us Weekly. “She’s truly heartbroken.”
“They were so in love,” a second insider shared at the time. “Valerie hated the groupies that would follow his band, but Eddie mesmerized people and she was no exception.”
Despite their ups and downs throughout their marriage, the source said they were “better friends apart,” adding that Bertinelli “championed Eddie for kicking drugs and booze for good and stayed close throughout his battle with tongue cancer.”
